Are you a Coward or a Man?

cowardThis is a touchy subject as most of us don’t like to be called a coward. However, from my personal estimate, about 90% of the male species living in the United States are complete cowards. This may have been true through history, as well, but focusing on the current, there’s a huge need for Men, not cowards.

A man isn’t someone that just gives in or goes with the crowd. If you desire popularity and you want everything to be easy, guess what, you’re probably a coward. Most of us are cowards at some point in our lives, but when we start to become aware of what makes us this way, we have the power to actually become a man.

Side Note – You can put Woman in instead of Man, if you are a woman. I am writing this from the perspective of a man and it’s aimed at men, not women. I, personally, believe men suffer more from cowardice than most women and we, as males, need to step up.

Forming New Habits

Habits tell the world who we are. If you get up at 6am, go out and get your newspaper, read it while drinking your coffee and head off to work, you are communicating to the rest of the people around you. While you may not be directly communicating to them, this is how you start your day, which means you will be up-to-date on current events (depending on the sections of the paper you read) and you’ll probably have accomplished more by 9am than most people waking up later than you.

Effectively changing and developing good habits is the first step in becoming a man. When your habits reflect laziness, you’re less likely to stand up for what you believe in. Of course, that’s assuming you have something to believe in.

Our habits communicate more than we realize because they shape who we are every single day. Good habits may communicate that you are productive, hardworking and willing to go the extra mile. However, bad habits may communicate that you’re only going to do the minimum go get by and you won’t be caught dead exerting more energy than necessary.

What is a Coward?

courage

The dictionary defines a coward as, “a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things.”

This is the most basic form of a coward and what we look at most often as men when we call someone out for being a coward. It could be something as simple as not wanting to jump off the high dive or do something else that seems dangerous.

While this is a fine definition, it’s also very basic. The type of coward our world is plagued with today is one that doesn’t stand up for what is right even in a situation that won’t cause any type of danger. It’s more of just something unpleasant because we cannot be bothered to be men. Instead, we just walk right past things we see that are certainly wrong without stopping to help because we are cowards.

Of course, in order to stand up for what is right; you must first have a belief in what is right. All of us know deep down when something is inherently wrong. We also know what the next right thing is for us to do. When we go against what is right and we don’t do the next right thing, we are cowards.

Guess what, every single one of us is a coward at some point in our lives. Some are simply cowards every single day and don’t have a clue how to use their fight instinct. Instead, they are in flight mode all of the time and cannot handle even the smallest amount of conflict.

It’s not about giving into peer pressure to jump off that cliff or high dive into the water below because your so-called friends think you should. It’s not about kicking that nerd in school when he’s down because your friends tell you to. Giving in doesn’t make you a man, but in many ways, it makes you a horrible coward.

Traits of a Coward

There are several traits that make you a coward. If any of the things below describe you, even just a little bit, you’re probably a coward. Of course, you’d have to first give up the selfish desire to think you’re better than others and actually make a true and honest assessment.

Afraid of Honesty

dishonest-cowards

The first one is a strong one because cowards will often tell lies on top of other lies because they don’t know how to be honest. This, at one point in my life, described me to a “T”. When I was in my early 20s, I’d tell lies on top of lies and even have myself convinced the lies were true. It was a pretty dark time for me.

Cowards don’t believe their character matters much so they often create a persona to hide behind. It’s a mask they show the rest of the world because they cannot be honest with themselves long enough to figure out who they are and what they stand for.

Most cowards are dishonest people living in a fantasy world where they have decided what is real and what isn’t. They have no clue what truth is because they have created a world of fiction with their own set of facts.

Weak-Minded People are the Cowards Best Friends

Cowards try to prey on weak people to build themselves up. They don’t want to be seen as a coward, so they seek out weak-minded people to prey on. Often, they will act very nice to people and wait to attack their prey later. Sometimes, you will spot this pretty easily when you see someone in their 40s or 50s hanging out with people much younger than them because they can guide them to be exactly who they want them to be.

The Words “I’m Sorry” Don’t Exist in the Cowards Vocabulary

im-sorry

The main reason a coward won’t apologize for anything is simply because he’s a coward. He’s not going to step up and be a man by making it right when he has wronged someone. That would be too manly for a coward to even attempt.

Cowards fear punishment and they refuse to look in the mirror at themselves. They cannot bear the thought of discovering how horrible and broken they are (we all are broken btw) and how they have screwed up time and time again.

If they were to apologize, they would have to admit fault and it could spiral into something much larger.

Cowards Love to Blame

Part of what makes a coward a coward is their inability to face who they really are. We are all screwed up in so many ways, but the coward cannot face this. Instead, he finds other people and things to blame for what is ultimately his own responsibility.

Sometimes, cowards will place blame when it makes absolutely no sense. It can ruin relationships and ultimately this is one way the coward weeds out the strong-willed people they cannot control.

Love to Create Drama

In the coward’s mind they are always the victim and nobody else is allowed to be. When they place blame it usually creates drama making them the victim because they cannot simply man up and admit they screwed up. The coward, instead, is looking for sympathy.

Often, these cowardly men will admit their life is full of drama, but they cannot step back and see they are the cause of the drama.

The Show Never Ends

With cowards, the show never ends. This is the person that wants to start a fight to prove they are big and bad, but will never follow through. When faced with confrontation, they crawl back into their shell because they cannot deal with a man willing to face the consequences of his actions.

Cowards are Bullies

bully

It seems like it should be the opposite, but a coward is the bully. You’re not a coward when someone is picking on you and you haven’t yet figured out how to stand up to them because sooner or later, you’re going to stand up to them and become the man you already know you are.

However, when you’re the bully, you are always the coward. Instead of facing your problems, you’d rather take them out on everybody else around you. The worst part, they are often very broken people either under the assumption nobody would be willing to help them or unwilling to seek help.

If you’re being bullied, don’t take it. Stand up and watch your bully back down. Usually they will because they don’t like confrontation unless they are 100% in control of the confrontation. When you take the fight to them, they usually back down and crawl back into their shell.

Measure Validation from Social Media

This would not have applied 15 years ago, but today, cowards often think they are popular or find validation in the comments and likes they get on social media. The sad part is, cowards are not honest people and it’s far worse online. They can become a very fake version of themselves when hiding behind the computer screen.

A coward often thinks the entire world exists online and they will even accuse others of thinking this. If you seek validation from social media, you’re a coward and it’s time to take a real hard look at who you are and who you really want to be.

Passive Aggressive Might as Well be the Coward’s Motto

Cowards often use sarcasm and jokes to hide behind. They will also refuse to ever come clean because they are looking to gain the upper hand with these jokes and sarcasm. Since cowards are also attention-seekers, they will often sulk instead of face things head on.

Have very Little Faith in Anything

From Christ to their own family members to the person they call their best friend; cowards have very little, if any faith in anybody or anything. They think they have to do it themselves or it will be wrong. They may go through some motions, such as showing up to church every now and then, but it’s just to help complete their fake persona.

When it comes to real faith, cowards don’t have it. If they did, they wouldn’t be cowards because they would stand up for their faith above all else. Instead, a coward just wants to appear as a person with faith so they look good, but they have very little faith in anybody or anything.

While these are all traits of a man acting as a coward (yes, he is acting…goes back to that fake persona) there are some others that are exactly the opposite, which also point to a coward. For example, a coward may say I’m sorry for the smallest things that they don’t even need to apologize for because they are afraid. This may also be a sign of a coward.

Traits of a Man

In order to define what a real man in today’s society is, we must go back to the bible. Before we get to this, here are a few things you may think make you a man, but really have nothing to do with being a man.

  • Large muscles you can use to overpower others
  • Guns or any weapon at all
  • A large member in your pants or one you think it large
  • The ability to drink without passing out
  • your ability to eat a ton of food
  • Being better at a sport than someone else
  • Telling crude jokes that get some laughs
  • Good looks based on what society says are good looks

This list could go on and on as our modern society has a very odd way of defining what a man is and what’s considered to be manly.

Now, I am not going to say that you need to be able to cry or show some kind of sensitive side to be a man. That wouldn’t be true and I don’t care for that part of the modern definition of a man, either. However, here are some of the main qualities men possess when they stop being cowards.

Ability to Admit When they are Wrong

While men may not admit it right away, as soon as the heat of the moment has subsided and the man has a chance to process, he will admit he was wrong, if he was wrong. Real men are not scared of their ego and don’t give into it at every turn. If they did something or said something wrong, they admit it, apologize and move on with life.

When we look at the bible, we see this quality time and time again. Men have to be willing to admit their faults in order to grow. Paul may be the best example of this as he writes multiple times about how he is the worst of sinners, yet he’s still growing and moving forward with Christ.

Don’t Really Care What Society Thinks

Real men could care less about what society says they should or shouldn’t do. The opinion of others will never trump the beliefs a man has, no matter where they are coming from.

Job

If you want to see an incredible biblical example of this, just read about Job. No matter what, he wasn’t going to care about what anybody else thought. His faith was strong and nobody was going to trump his belief in God.

Stands Up When No One Else Will

If you’re a man, you’re not afraid to be alone in something. When you know something is completely wrong, you are willing to stand up and say so and even take action, if necessary. Whether others follow or not, you’re a man and you won’t stand for or participate in something that is utterly wrong.

david-and-goliath

The bible is filled with examples of this from David and Goliath to every early Christian talked about in the book of Acts and most of the New Testament. Constantly, characters in the bible have to stand up when no one else or very few will. Jesus did this with the Pharisees on a regular basis and he was far manlier than anybody.

Sets an Example for His Family

The bible calls men to be the spiritual leaders of their family, even when they want to be lazy. Instead of coming home and plopping in front of the couch, a real man is taking care of his family’s spiritual needs. Whether this is done through reading the bible, praying or simply spending time with the family, a real man becomes the example.

Lives and Dies by His Word

While the days of a handshake meaning something are long gone, real men still honor their word. If they say they are going to do something, they do it. They don’t shy away from it when it becomes difficult or takes up more time than they thought. When they make a promise, they do everything within their power to keep that promise, no questions asked.

Gossip Falls on Their Deaf Ears

Real men don’t gossip. The bible discusses this many times and gossip might as well be the devil whispering in your ear and using you to spread it. If you want to be a coward, talk behind the backs of others and spread gossip, but you’ll never be a real man if you continue to participate in gossip.

Knows or is Seeking Beliefs

While the beliefs of a man may differ from one to another, he either knows exactly what he stands for or is in the process of figuring it out. Men don’t stand still and they are not wishy-washy. Instead, they make decisions based on their beliefs, which may evolve a bit over time. However, the core stays the same and each decision is made with the beliefs in mind.

For a Christian man, it all comes down to Christ. Conforming his life to be more like the life of Christ is found in every decision. Instead of doing what society would do, a real man becomes an uncommon person by mastering the art of making the decision based on the next right thing to do.

right-vs-wrong

Often, a man will make a decision not based on what will benefit him the most, but what is right. Sometimes, this means giving up something that society would say is good or would make the man successful. For example, if a man is faced with the decision to enter into a business deal and stands to gain a large sum of money, society would often say do it. However, a real man will look at what is right and if the business deal is not good or even flat out evil, he will not be swayed by the large sum of money.

Judas is a great example of the opposite of this. He sold out his savior for money and later found it too much of a burden to live with so he did the ultimate cowardly thing and killed himself.

Temptation Doesn’t Sway a Real Man

We all fall victim to temptation from time to time, but a real man doesn’t let temptation get in the way very often. If he does, he knows it and does what’s necessary to face the consequences.

temptation

Real men won’t choose their job based on money alone. They cannot be bought and there are very few left in our world like this.

Often, real men are not the most popular or the best looking. They may not be able to fend off every attacker, but they won’t flee, either. If you want to be a real man and stop being a coward, you must become honest in everything, look at decisions as a chance to do the next right thing and not what will benefit you the most and you must be willing to own up to your shortcomings.

No male can become a real man until they start to become aware of who they are, what is holding them back and how they have screwed up. Nobody is perfect and we are all very screwed up at our core. However, how you deal with your screw ups and how you stand up when something isn’t right will make all the difference.

If you are Christian and you want to see what a real man looks like, start with the Gospel of Matthew and read through all four Gospels. You will see what Christ does as He shows compassion, stands up to Pharisees, chooses strong men to stand with him and ultimately faces death for the rest of the world. This is the example of how men are supposed to live and act. While we cannot live up to it, we are not supposed to give up and become cowards.

Our world needs more real men and fewer cowards. If you believe you’re a coward, you’re already on your way to becoming a man just by admitting it. Those unwilling to admit it probably already think they are men, but they can never become men until they actually step out of their own way and admit to their shortcomings.

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